Sunday, January 24, 2010

How to Pick Up Girls on Orkut


There are several ways you could approach this situation. You could talk to girls in real life, but that is slow and difficult. Because communicating via network is more powerful than communicating via broadcast, we would be losing out on the network effect if we were to approach girls manually. Approaching girls at parties and bars is like Pussy 1.0. I'm here today to introduce you to an entirely new concept, one that I like to call Pussy 2.0. By using Orkut, we can greatly amplify our ability to pick up bitches. Think of it like turning a pussy magnet into a pussy electro-magnet.

Setting the Scene

The first step is making yourself look cool. In general, you want to project an image that combines manliness and wealth. No balls, no blue chips. No blue chips, blue balls.

Now that you know the strategy, let's look at the tactics:

1. Get as many friends as possible. If you don't have at least 100 friends, you should probably kill yourself.
2. Write on lots of people's walls. Then they'll be obligated to write back on your wall, and you'll look really cool.
3. Make sure you're profile picture has alcohol in it. This will make it look like you have lots of friends and get invited to all the cool parties.
4. Under interests, list things like your favorite clothing brand and where you last went on vacation. This will subtly hint that you have lots of money in a tasteful way.
5. Say that you're married to another guy. Everyone will think this is really funny. Trust me.
6. If all your music tastes are really obscure, add at least one trashy pop album. This will make you look like a man of the people. Alternatively, if all your music is generic rock, add at least one album that no one has ever heard of. This will make you look classy.
7. Join lots of political groups about things like ending discrimination and saving Darfur. This absolves you from real world responsibilities like helping others and voting. If Martin Luther King Jr. were still alive today, this is exactly what he'd be doing.

Remember, success comes first in the mind, then in your pants, never the other way around.

The Initial Contact

The next step is to actually approach the women. Here are some general principles for success:

1. Poke lots of random girls. If you do this enough, one of them will definitely have sex with you.
2. Choose girls with no pictures. If the girl has no picture, there's probably a reason. If you want to seal the deal, then deal with the seal. Ask girls out on their wall instead of through private messages. If you can't charm them into saying yes, then publicly embarrass them into not saying no.
3. Once you ask her out and she says yes, don't sign onto AIM or answer your phone until your date. This will make it harder for her to change her mind.
4. Similarly to rule three, choose a date that's hard for her to get out of if she gets nervous. For a good first date, I'd suggest a plane ride to Thailand with a twelve year old bottle of wine.

Getting Her to Have Sex With You

When trying to figure out whether or not a girl likes you, learn to recognize the holy trinity: She touches you, she lets you touch her, or she touches herself. While there's no way to know for sure whether a girl likes you short of hooking electrodes up to her genitals, these are some good signs. But what do you do if she doesn't seem to like you? The best answer is hypnosis. Here are some tips:

1. Try to penetrate your vocabulary with sexual words to get her subliminally turned on. Use phrases like, "The sky above us is so beautiful, but so is the ground blow me." This will make her want to have sex with you. It really works!!
2. Using leading phrases like, "Before we go back to my apartment, would you like another drink?" By hiding a statement inside a question, she is forced to do what you say, as if you had Jedi mind powers. This rare technique is impossible for her to resist.

If you have followed all of the previously steps correctly, the girl should now be having sex with you. Congratulations!

                                               Looking for orkut girls?

Fake Orkut Page


Saturday, January 16, 2010

5 reasons why I hate Twitter


Well good day folks. I’m back on Twitter, did you hear? How exciting and nice of them to fix things! I’m so thrilled to be back. I’m also considering where I may decide to move to now… I’m considering a move.
I’ve been using Twitter since February 2007. During that time I have accumulated 1,516 followers. That’s 1,516 people who find some form of value or entertainment in my tweets, thanks guys. I have posted nearly 9,000 tweets on Twitter. It’s hard to believe that I’ve been that active! It seems like just yesterday when I was celebrating my 8,000th tweet.
The following are five reasons why I hate Twitter, but before I get into that I should also give you five reasons why I love it. What’s a tweeter to do?
Top five reasons why I love Twitter:
1. Immediacy. I was among the first people to know about the earthquake in San Jose last year and in Los Angeles the other day. News travels quickly on Twitter. A kid was saved from prison in Egypt, because he was able to tweet that he had been arrested, the community instantly kicked into gear to quickly find him a lawyer and get him home.
2. Social. An example of this was during SXSW. I had had enough of the parties and wanted to spend a relaxing quiet night out for dinner. I tweeted to the SXSW attendees (using the #sxsw tag) and within minutes Kris Smith replied. I now consider Kris a great friend with great taste in Austin Italian restaurants!
3. Human Search Engine. Who needs Google when you have Twitter. A friend and I were stumped when we saw an actor who’s name we couldn’t place. We snapped a shot of him and shared it with Twitter, and within minutes we knew who he was. That story here.
4. Relationships. It’s remarkable how many people I have met on Twitter who I now consider close friends. It’s on Twitter where many relationships are created. I’ve presented about the way it’s very difficult to B.S. in 140 characters or less at PodCamp Toronto and PodCamp Nashville. You need to find the perfect words to explain yourself, there’s little room for embellishments. So you can get a true sense of a person after only knowing them for a few tweets.
5. Back Channel. Go to any tech conference and you’ll see the majority of people using Twitter as a way to communicate when a speaker is in session. At SXSW we tweeted to each other how ridiculous Sara Lacy’s interview was with Facebook’s Matt Zuckerburg. At Gnomedex last year a presenter was talking about alternative energy. His presentation skills lacked a little, so attendees took it to Twitter to better explain what the speaker was talking about, it was incredible to witness.
Of course my main love for Twitter is the Community (bonus #6), I believe everything above is a part of the Community. Without the people there would be no Twitter. I don’t love Twitter, I love the people on Twitter who make it such a vibrant place to be. I don’t love Twitter, I don’t even like Twitter at the moment – I may even hate them.
Top five reasons why I hate Twitter:
1. Stability. Those who have been using Twitter long enough will remember those cute kittens with screwdrivers. That was a sign that Twitter was down as they were “doing an upgrade”. We patiently waited for it’s return, so we could get back to the conversations we were having. As Twitter became more popular the kitten became an upside down bird, here’s a video I shot last year about it. Now it’s the Fail Whale. The only thing Twitter has been consistent about is changing it’s down time animal, and well, it’s down time.
2. Management. I’m not looking for love, I have plenty of it from my friends and family. It does irk me a little that @ev and @biz have never bothered to follow me back, or at least recognize some of the things I’ve done proclaiming my love for Twitter. These things include:
All of these things and no recognition from Twitter.
3. Suspended. This is the cherry on the hate pie for me. You can read my recent posts about this, but basically I was wrongly suspected as a spammer and subsequently had my account suspended. Picture having your email service provider suspend you from your email account without warning or explanation. Think of all of your contacts now unavailable to you, consider all of the on-going conversations and not being able to access them again. This is how it felt.
4. Communication. When Twitter recently received 15 Million dollars in additional funding they categorized their service as a “communication utility“. Why then could they not communicate to their users why their accounts had been suspended suddenly without notice? Instead, it appeared as a joke to it’s owner Evan Williams, who was enjoying wine and pie while some of his most loyal users were panicking:

5. Apology. Take my email analogy and consider how you would feel, or as if someone took your personal journal and address book and refused to return them. I felt terrible during this experience. While Jason did apologize to us in his Get Satisfaction post, the apology was coming from the wrong person. This happened to eight of us: @tibbon, @pfanderson, @conniecrosby, @narain, @skalik, @marjarpanic, @abrudtkuhl and I (@davedelaney). Surely it would be easy enough to send us a quick tweet apology Evan?

It’s been a wild weekend for me. I’m still undecided whether I’m going to remain a user on Twitter. I really want to thank everyone who helped this weekend. I found I was getting most of my news on Plurk, which is another micro-blogging service worth checking out. We should also consider identi.ca as a rocking alternative to Twitter, because it’s Open Source and functions very closely to the way Twitter does. You can also follow much of what’s going on on FriendFeed, for some reason I’m just not there loads – yet.
The stability of Twitter hasn’t really improved. Over the last year I have had followers be disconnected from following me for no reason and vice versa. The fail whale is still showing his ugly head too often, as is the Twitter maintenance page. The management clearly don’t know how to communicate, even though they have created an incredible communication service (when it works).
I’m undecided what I’m going to do. I still see a lot of value in Twitter, but it’s flaky stability and lack of customer service make it a service I can no longer fully trust.
Sorry, there are no polls available at the moment.

I Hate Twitter

I am a young twenty-something practically tethered to the Internet, as most young twenty-somethings are. And, don't get me wrong, the Internet is great. It's fantastic. Seriously, it's just plain wonderful. I can't imagine life without it and the idea that the Internet wasn't actually around at some point in my own lifetime is mind-boggling, to say nothing of the fact that the generations before me somehow grew up without it. (I heard they used some kind of “p-mail.”)
But I hate Twitter. I reserve for Twitter one of the greatest, purest hatreds: not one borne out of anger or emotion, but one borne out of philosophy. I do not hate Twitter in the way that I hate stubbing my toe, or in the way that I hate Tracy Morgan. I hate Twitter in the same way that, say, Copernicus hated geocentrism. I'm not being irrational or hysterical – it is just that Twitter is so thoroughly wrong and so prolifically wrong that its very existence undermines our otherwise rational and mostly progressive society.
Let me first say that I do not hate those who use Twitter. I understand that, for most people, Twitter is just the next iteration of the MySpace/LiveJournal/BullShit social networking superfad that threatens to engulf the planet. I understand that most people use Twitter casually and without malice. I understand that most Twitter users do not believe that they can cause so much damage in 140 characters or less. These people I understand, and I can hate them no more than I can hate the average sixteenth century peasant for believing that the sun revolves around the earth. So don't feel insulted.
I am not the first person to hate on Twitter, and I am sure the reasons are obvious. Twitter is the epitome of the current wave of Web 2.0 content, which can be essentially summarized as the following:
“Everybody cares what I had for lunch today.”
It doesn't matter where you are or what you're eating – if you're connected to the Internet or to a phone (a distinction that will greatly date this essay within six months), you're able to tell dozens if not hundreds of people what you just crammed down your throat. Someone could be stranded in the middle of the Amazon Jungle, surviving off maggots and tiger meat, and they would still find a way to tweet “Blegh! Tiger meat again!” And somehow this would make tiger fighting completely boring.
Of course, at this point many readers will wag their finger and object, “Ah, but my Twitter is better than that. I tweet about interesting things in my life, and [worse yet] I tweet hilarious jokes!” Others might object that many celebrities, writers, and other important figures have interesting Twitters that are worth following. Some others might object that, even if Twitter is nothing more than a boring account of people's day-to-day lives, it's still worth reading.
I could respond to all such comments with a simple and deserved “shut up,” but in the interest of argument I will point out three facts.
One: your Twitter is not interesting or funny, and you are no better than people who tweet about their sandwiches.
Two: I have never read a good or funny Twitter from a celebrity, even if the celebrity is a person I otherwise enjoy.
Three: whatever utility Twitter might have as a small-scale personal diary or communication cloud is negated by Twitter's tendency to clog up with @ replies and other nonsense.
Again, I don't hate Twitter users. I understand where they come from. Blogs proved too involved and unwieldy for the average user. Writing a cogent journal entry is too time-intensive and obviously boring. Twitter, on the other hand, not only allows you to limit yourself to trivial bullshit, but mandates you limit yourself to trivial bullshit. Nobody is worried about standards or being interesting when they only have 140 characters to work with. And when even professional comedians are tweeting about dinner, you don't have to worry about other Twitters making yours look bad.
If I sound angry, I am not. My position on Twitter is one of utmost composure and cool reason. I simply believe it is the worst thing happening in the world right now. I believe that the once great dream of an Internet with honest-to-god content has been lost. If modern web design means that breaking news comes through Twitter in between “Mm, a BLT” and “@tweetfan22 I had macaroni too!” then I want no part in the Internet of tomorrow. Just leave me be and I will return to Web 1.0 and publish through GeoCities.
I hold out some hope, though. I hold out hope that our collective intellects will win out in the end and people will snap out of this tweet-induced siren song. I believe that there is the real potential for there to exist some day an Internet with communities of substantial content and the free flow of ideas expounded on rather than excreted. I believe that, some day, perhaps even the most vigorous tweeters will come to realize just how erosive they are.
Because nobody cares what you had for lunch.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Social Networking Sucks?


When we speak of social networking, what are the few things that come to our minds? Facebook…? MySpace…? Twitter…? Orkut…? I think there is an endless list of such social networking websites. If I start listing them one by one, it will take up all my hosting space. So, do you think social networking is limited to a few neat looking websites who want to know everything I do from the morning until the moment I sleep? What happened to the times when people physically met and socialized? Every new day, a new social app/website is being created.. to do what? To make our already plugged lives more bizarre? So what is this concept of social networking? A fad, trend or just another bandwagon to hop on? I know that networking has its own advantages, but do you think that telling my friends what I ate, what I am reading, or how much I slept will make any difference in their lives? Oh yes, it will certainly make a difference to someone who wants to steal my information.
When I was little, I used to be very shy of making new friends. I used to tell my mom if I wanted to befriend someone in the neighborhood, and then she helped me out. But what now? Anyone can just sit on the computer and add a thousand friends to his already long list of the so-called friends, without even knowing that there can be a stalker, a murderer or even a rapist in that queue. But hey, its all part of the social networking gimmick! Isn’t it? Let me socialize some more and one fine day..oops.. I am dead.

Don’t you think that we are already missing our lives between e-mails, cellphones, blogs, Internet, instant messaging that now we have to resort to these lame social networking websites. Now, we have more ways of getting in touch with each other but we are spending less time in actual communication. Someone comes along every few months and launches a new social networking website. For heaven’s sake, aren’t there too many already? I played around with Cell phones a lot when they first came out. You know what? I like to be unreachable. Gather up your thoughts and send me an e-mail, please.
To actually quote the benefits of such social networking websites, let me describe them to you. I do not have accounts on any social networking websites except Orkut where my intent was to find my old school friends as its a website specially targeted for Indian audience. I did manage to find some of my old school friends but guess what? After a few scrap exchanges and acting surprised (I can’t even say if that surprise was genuine), everything came back to ground zero. To add to my misery, I even thought of calling up one of my “very good” high-school buddies. So, when I called him, he was busy in some very important meeting with his client. He did recognize me, so I expected at least a callback for courtesy sake! But nothing. And this is what I learned from this incident – Life goes on and I am a fool! Now, I am even planning to delete that account which I hold on Orkut. I’ve never felt anything missing in my life without these social networking websites. Then again, I’m a person who likes privacy and it seems, these days, I am greatly outnumbered.
A new trend that is developing nowadays with every social website copying each other, is the use of applications. So, what are these applications? Stupid flash games, countdown timers, IQ tests, chat applications… No thanks! I guess I will just watch the grass grow in my lawn or maybe look at a wall all day. To my amusement, I recently found out that people are making a lot of money developing and selling these retarded applications. So why don’t you give it a try? Maybe this is your path to the hall of rich jerks!
You think this is a rant on social networking websites? You are right. It is. I have even made a new category in my blog called “rants” :)
Update : While constructing the picture for this particular post, I went to Myspace.com website to steal their logo and what do I see? They have a corny header graphic on their homepage that says :- Sign-up just got shorter! See for yourself, how desperate they have become (do they have any members left anymore?? And.. what is that white splash.. LOL) :-

Why Yahoo Sucks - Remember "asl plz" era

I have been using Yahoo for a long long time. In fact, yahoo was the first website I came to know of back in school days when I hardly understood what a web site was. Then I got an email-id on yahoo. sidscrazy@yahoo.co.in Now it has been doomed to work as the junkyard for orkut and facebook posts. I hardly use it anymore. Still I had a fascination for yahoo.
It reminded me of the first few years in college when we had this ultra kewl yahoo group chat. "asl plz" still might hit the memory cells in a lot of minds. We used to enter in yahoo chat rooms and look for names which might give hints of being a girl. Like someone named "neha_19_delhi" can be safely be considered to be a girl named Neha, aged 19 and from Delhi. This way there were around 50-100 chat room. There were classification of the chat rooms based on region, interests, technology, society et al. On the right side were the names of all the people online in that chat room. On the left pane which covered 80% of the screen, was a common window. Anyone could writesomething and post in this common chat window. Sometimes there were groups of people from pakistan bad mouthing India in these common chat windows. We would enter such chat groups in bulk and write all possible abuses for Pakistan. It was fun. A favourite timepass. And you could also ping someone on the list on right side for a personal chat. And it would invariably start with "asl plz", meaning age, sex and location please. This was the primary determining factor based on which I would decide whether I want to chat with that person or not.
All in all it was fascinating.

Since first year, my association with yahoo has been only my second email-idc sid_svnit@yahoo.co.in. I had this as my primary email account. my railway reservation, Hutch bill, some programming forums, ICICI bank account, all details come up here. Most important of all, this account is registered to our college group comps_svnit_2k6 whose mails I love to read, howsoever useless it may be. Yahoo messenger simply vanised from the scene as the requirement moved from chat rooms to networking site: orkut taking the place very nicely. As chatting and e-mail were important still, I took a google account. The google account was(still is) very nice.

Here I will try to give a comparative details on what things in yahoo piss me off as a naive user of e-mail:
- Very frequent change in the website/UI
The gmail login page has remained same since probably the first exe of gmail.com was created. No change. I am so much practiced to it that I know how many tabs I need to press before my cursor moved to the login page. On the other hand mail.yahoo.com changes like it is the college project of some sophomores. Do these yahoo people not understand the basic concept of innovation in UI: it has to be subtle and NEVER NEVER change the entry point of the UI for the end user. NEVER.

- Failing to copy gmail in integrating yahoo messenger to yahoo mail. When I login into gmail, along with my mails, my chat window opens up in the left side. Again this is very good innovation. The entry point of the UI is not changed and I notice no major change in the UI and hurrah!! there is a chat window. Not only that, it is integrated to my orkut account. So I can chat with my friends on orkut directly from gmail. I feel pity for yahoo in this regard. Today after a long time I wanted to come on yahoo chat. I thought let me use the yahoo mail option. I saw that after logging into the yahoo mail, the chat is simply not able to start. And I am using what might be one of the fastest bandwidth in India. I tried multiple tmies, but no use.
Still I thought that may be there is some folder in yahoo account where my offline messages are getting stored. Didnt find one.

- When I log-in into gmail, I can see all my mails. All which are visible on the front page. One window.
When I login into yahoo mail, probably people at yahoo think that I have logged in to see their silly ads. What they have for me is 15% of the window on the right for bright ads. On a slow machine, a click by mistake on that window and the browser will almost hang as the ads will be for some second grade sites which dont open in less than 5 seconds.
on the left 15% is the folders for my yahoo. That is ok (ok that is good not just ok). The in the centre is my mails. Here 70% of the horizontal space is eaten up by unnecessary things. top 20% by blank space. Bottom 50% by just one line

"Got your eye on one of those emails up there?
Just click on an email to view it down here in this handy reading pane."

And this is not in big font, it is in small font taking only one line. The remaining space is blank.

- I had registered my gmail account for many job sites while I was searching the job for my brother. One by one I started marking them as spam. And it has worked like wonders. At one point I had thought that I will never be able to use my gmail account for anything productive. But now, I use it as all the mails I marked and from same senders (and probably more based on the spam logic) go straight to the spam folder.
Yahoo just fools the end user here. There are many mails I mark as spam. It moves the mails to the spam folder. But it doesnt implement the simplest rule of spam filter that at least from the same sender, all other mails should go to spam folder. I keep getting mails from same senders again and again. Hats off to the coders of Yahoo (where art thou feet??).

- After not being able to read my offline messages, I decided to installl yahoo messenger. Thankfully they have not changed the login page much. But it doesn't log-in. I saw that there is a "connection preferences" options. Tried all possible combinations. No luck!!
Then disabled my firewall. No luck!!
Then installed a new OS, disabled firewall, made sure there was no AV running, and installed YM there. Still no luck with log-in.

No wonder Yahoo declined to be bought for 33$ a share and went to 16$ or so in 6 months. With software brains this good,, what else can be expected from the managers there. Will someone believe that in 2000, its stock had touched $118.75 a share!!!

I tried digging into the downfall of yahoo. Started with the nice wiki link: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yahoo .
Will collect and post it later... stay tuned.

(ps: Views are personal)

orkut Mobile

orkut, Google's social network, added a lot of features in the past year to be more competitive and to become more popular outside Brazil and India. Google Trends shows that the interest for orkut is declining, but it's likely that some people no longer search for "orkut" since Google India and Google Brazil added the service to the navigational bar in December 2007. orkut has around 120 million users, up from 50 million users in April 2007, but Brazil (53.99% of orkut users) and India (16.91%) continue to be the countries where orkut is popular, followed by the US (15.13%).

orkut was one of the few Google services that didn't have a mobile interface, but now you can access orkut mobile at m.orkut.com. The simplified interface shows the most recent scraps, updates from your friends, a link to your profile and a search box for orkut users. The mobile interface lets you write scraps, get birthday reminders and respond to friend requests. You can also use shortcuts to access the most important sections of the page.

There's also a new version of orkut for low bandwidth that displays less pictures. orkut will automatically switch to this new version depending on your connection, but you can opt to use it in the settings.

Not so thrilled with Orkut, Orkut sucks!

Today itself I decided I’d never log in into my Orkut account again in remaining life. It’s very addictive, and sucks away my whole day. Every now and then I used to type those shitty five words on a browser O—R–K—U—T, to check if someone desirable just scrapped in. Moreover, there’s nothing caled privacy. You have to think twice before getting intimate with people you want to (read GIRLS), without inviting unwanted attention from all sorts of people (some happen to be your irritating friends). One thing that really pisses me is the unruly nature of Orkut users. Those having 500-600 FRIENDS (I had only 80 until yesterday, and it was so difficult to manage). All that repeated “How are you?” (”I was about to DIE!!! Leave me alone for God’s sake”). “What are you doing”? (”Why the fuck should I tell you?”) “What’s latest?” (”Just because you have nothing to do, I work in a prestigious company, I like to stay busy in my job, and be happy with that. I don’t PRETEND to have doing LATEST things every now and then.”) Also, there are users who are involved in 100+ communities. Gimme a break, all those social kind, I like to spend time with myself alone when it suits me. Trust me guys, ORKUT is a community of all kinds of losers. The more you let them eat your brains, the more you sink beneath. Wake up, and get back to good ol’ emails, and instant messaging. Get Skype, make international calls. Even mobile phones cost just 7.2 rupees to call in US and Europe. Better still, make personal visits. Just ignore this fucking medium. BYE BYE Orkut.

Send free SMS to any mobile

Now get paid by sending and receiving SMS on your mobile
Increase your earning potential by inviting your friends.
Here is the link to send free SMS to any mobile in India.


http://mGinger.com/index.jsp?inviteId=11794

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http://www.rupeemail.in/rupeemail/invite.do?in=NTMzNDU1JSMlOWRWTWdLNk80b2N6UHZEeGw1YWo4MXFCdQ==

Friday, January 1, 2010

Google Talk Integrated with Orkut


Google today integrated their Orkut and GTalk messenger service.
Orkut members will be able to text message and voice chat with other members of the community and they will no longer have to login separately to Orkut webpage to scrap their friends, they will be able to do it directly from GTalk Messenger.
To link your Google Talk and Orkut account, go to Orkut Settings tab and click enable Google Talk to chat with your orkut friends.




If any of your GTalk friends are on Orkut, you will see a small colored balls next to their profile name on Orkut showing their chat status. Click the circle to initiate a new voice or text chat session over Google Talk -

Fix Gmail & Orkut Login Problems

Gmail & Orkut often give problems on low speed connections. Login to Gmail take ages if you are using low speed connection. Orkut also gives errors and Login Box doesn’t appear sometimes.
Here are some tips to access Gmail and Orkut faster on low speed internet connection.

Gmail:
If you are using Gmail in standard mode, You can try opening Gmail in standard html mode by using the URL http://mail.google.com/mail/h/
Also you can try http://m.gmail.com to open Gmail Mobile Version.
Orkut:

Bookmark this link. It will skip Orkut front page and open additional login page which loads faster than Orkut homepage.